September 7th, 2018
Day 6 is here! I had to pause the challenge because I realized formatting a blog post on my phone was insane. But I promise the posts will be inspired by the 2 days I missed.
Friday has been a day of traveling. Like I told you in my day 5 post, I had to wake up 4.30 a.m. to be at the airport at 5.30 a.m. The flight was ok, as good as they can be for me. Side fact: I hate flying. I love traveling, but I hate flying. How fun is that? Does anyone else feel that way? Please tell me I’m not alone.
The day was actually pretty dull and not so blog worth it. I left my luggage at the hotel in the morning at around 10 a.m. then headed to (finally) eat breakfast. After breakfast was work, I had a couple of meetings and I attended a workshop. A very boring workshop actually. After lunch, I met up with my boyfriend.
My boyfriend lives in Bucharest (and I don’t) so yes, we are in a long-distance relationship. The title of this blog post is not accidental. We met during one of my visits to Bucharest and it was an instant attraction. We just couldn’t stay away from each other the entire week I was there. After I got home things went smoothly, then he paid me a visit as well and now it was my turn again. I’ll be honest, I’m not sure about our future. I don’t have a plan to permanently move to his town and he doesn’t have plans to move to mine. But for now, the relationship is going pretty well. So here are some of my tips for making long-distance relationships work.
Commit to the relationship as if the other was right there
I know many who feel like long-distance relationships aren’t “real”. Since the other is not there, since you don’t see each other every day, it can feel like you don’t really have a partner. Needless to say this will sooner or later lead to issues, maybe infidelities, and the relationship will eventually fail. If you want to make things work, you need to commit! You ARE in a relationship, so start thinking & acting like it.
Communication is key. But so are boundaries.
A trap that many couples fall victims to is excessive communication. Everybody knows communication is key, so especially in long-distance relationships, the temptation to spend hours on the phone and the rest of the time texting each other is high. Unfortunately, excessive communication is also a thing. And boundaries matter. I mean, let’s be realistic. Even if you two were in the same city, chances are you would not be talking for 16 hours a day. Not even for 12. Probably not even for 8. You get the idea. You both have jobs, responsibilities, hobbies, maybe one of you likes to go to the gym, or plays the guitar. Some of those can be done together, some not. So why do you expect to talk non-stop when you don’t live in the same city?
My boyfriend and I, we talk every day, absolutely. Sometimes on the phone for an hour. But we’ll also have days when we are both busy and just send a couple of messages to each other as an update. And so far those days have not driven us apart. On the contrary, after 1-2 days when we are busy, when we finally get to talk on the phone we can barely stop.
Set date nights
Close to the topic of communication are date nights. If the distance is too long, you might not be able to travel and see each other every week. What we do, to make things more personal, is we set date nights when we video chat on Skype (or Facetime or whatever, post not sponsored haha). Sometimes we might even have dinner while talking to each other, drink a glass of wine and have fun. Yes, it’s not the real thing. But it is an attempt to feel closer to each other and make the relationship feel more “real”.
Talk about the little things and updates
This is something you might do in any relationship, but I feel in long-distance relationships it matters even more. I’m talking about those little things you might feel don’t matter – more updates about your workday than just “fine” or “busy” or “stressful”. On the phone, these can feel like…distant answers, like you don’t want to give an insight into your life. You don’t have to talk about confidential stuff. But maybe a bit more gossiping (the good kind) about your coworkers, your friends, the people at the gym. This will feel more honest, will show you have nothing to hide and that you do like spending time and talking to your partner. And if there are days when you don’t feel like talking about something, explain that you’ve had a bad day and that you need to hear something good, something positive to get out of the bad mood.
I think this one is pretty self-explanatory. Visiting each other is beyond important in long-distance relationships. And planning the visits is too. Even if you’ve been to his town 100 times and vice-versa, planning the visit, talking about it, about what you’ll do, will give you something to look forward to, and keep the excitement going.
Finally…go with the flow
There is much more advice to give. For example, The Huffington Post tells us, among other advice, that we should think of the bigger picture. You can make your expectations clear from the beginning – where do you want the relationship to go, where do you see it in 2 years? Or you can choose to not be exclusive. I think each relationship is different. Because we are all different. So no set of rules can make a relationship work. Following a few rules might set a good starting ground and help keep you focused. But in the end, it’s about much more than that. Personally, I prefer to go with the flow. If it’s meant to work it will. Sure, we have to work for it. But you really can’t force love. Long-distance relationships are no different in the end – you either love each other, or you don’t.
Are you or have you been in a long-distance relationship? Do you have any tips to make it work? Or any reasons why it failed? I’d love to hear your ideas, so please leave me a comment.